Interesting how life sometimes deals you the cards that you need, not the ones that you want.

After a busy and rigorous journey to Mexico City and Southern Mexico, I enjoyed some much needed repose after my reunion with my son.  Little did I know that repose would be also a true test as to my dependency on action and busyness.  The winter days, cold and short, found me huddling inside most of the day with my son between cooking, baking, cleaning and lounging. The walls around me seemed limiting to my creativity and my need for stimulation.

We went out for some much needed movement, sledding!  White hills, well manicured from the hundreds of sledders over the past week, school winter break.  We got our furnaces turned on and up, and laughed over wipeouts and bumps providing some exciting air time.

Returning home, much to my dismay, two girlfriends opted to stay in for the night, and not keep me company as I had hoped.  Wishing for friendly dialogue and equal amounts of distraction from my own mental mayhem.

When in all reality, what my mind needed was pauses, spaces, chances to breathe, to feel the nervousness of the space, and breathe some more, not fall into the temptation to watch hours of blurring screens, but to allow a little mocha martini to remind my spirit that I had everything I needed to be enjoying my night of freedom, with my son.

We had made a pit stop at the library to return some holiday music, and brought home new music, DVDs, and books by the armful.  Listening to new youthful, energetic, freeing music set our dance party off on a good note.  We made some homemade drinks, hot cocoa and spiked hot cocoa for me, something I don't usually do on my own, but was so spirited by that I know why they call spirits spirits!

We broke out our old dance moves and birthed some new ones as well.
Remembering how much my son loves enjoying time with me when I am fully enjoying myself was so heartwarming, as we lit each other up.  Remembering how well we work together, how well we mesh and create and express when the time and the space to do so presents itself, or is noticeably present.
And how in the end, after our dance party, short Magic School Bus viewing and a light, healthy dinner, my son was off to bed with a trio of various books under his arm, happy to tuck in for the night.

Something so soothing and comforting about enjoying this down time, when down is the place where cultivation occurs.  Cultivating good memories, planting love at home, in the heart of our life.

Now, alone, I realize how much I benefit from this time alone, musing over new music, new  musical biographies which frequently are as inspiring as any spiritual texts I like to read.  Something so life-giving and radiant about music, art, expression.  Reminding me that I am an artist, in many forms, a hybrid fusion of my roots, my passions, my nature.

Since this lifetime hasn't yet afforded me with the talent to make music, I will appreciate and acknowledge that I have been gifted with the art of the written word and of the art of energy movement.  Of feeling into my experience, digesting and fermenting it, and allowing a sweet nectar to pour forth, relishing the honey of love of life.  Wanting to infuse more often and more overall my life with words, with expression, with my art.  Wanting to allow for more space, more time, and to be brave enough to weather the waves of nervousness and anxiety of apparent boredom and inactivity, which are the birthers of this art.

Winter is wonderful for this, taking in what has past, mulling over the year spent, the seasons of life-giving fruit and activity, just like the earth rests, and weathers the cold with hibernation, repose.  Only to rebirth bright buds and sprouts of spring.

What would life look like in a temperate climate where cold and frost and frozen earth didn't occur?  Where would my heart and mind be? I long to see what such a "winter" would feel like.  But something in me, feels like I might miss this down time.  Nature's urge to relax and be inside, slow down. Or perhaps my circadian rhythm would still allow me to relax even with sand and sun on my skin.  

After all, my biggest Resolve for this year is exactly that, to S L O W   D O W N.

Take in more and race around less.  Fit in less, breathe more, say No more, let life's moments be with me, rather than feeling like they are passing me by.

And in that time, birth more- creativity, sincere expression, unique flavor that is uniquely mine. Along with enjoying the moments of my son's youth. This year progressing from age 4 to 5, and me 34 to 35.

Recognizing that my longings have shifted, that home and family are really the center of my life.  That this is the garden I am growing and invested in. Sprinkled with Spirit fertilizer and the water of music and dance.

Blissful blessings in this cold-night, new-moon time.

Being fully human is being a connection between the heavens, the cosmos, the ether, and the earth, the tierra firme, the water, the land.  Being an open vessel so that energy may course through you to connect, cleanse, clear, awaken, and inspire your heart mind and spirit.
The different places on earth and the different energies of the spinning heavens have unique subtle influences.  So, this is to say that each place and moment you find yourself in is a different cocktail of life.  Some moments may feel hard, some blissful, some giving, some draining.  Pay attention.

And then we work to connect to each other, to plants and animals.  One's power lies in one's openness, one's ability to support energy within, to be spacious and strong at the same time.  Like a river bed that can support a rushing spring flow.  Like the rocks below a pounding waterfall, we can support strong energy if we have a strong vessel, a strong physical body.  Our body is on earth, alive, blending heaven and earth and all things in an energetic dance.
Don't ever get too proud or believe that you are alone in this universe.  We are in constant interconnectedness.  As much as we want to be open to that or as much as we want to be drunk and asleep to this truth will determine your level of joy, of ecstasy, of bliss.  This flow of energy, this exchange is in constant flux like the rains, the tides, the waning and waxing moon.

This day is unique in your life. Never will you be this age, in this moment, in this energetic format, with the mixture of elements surrounding you and in the environmental setting that you find yourself in, a room, a yard, a garden, a car, a park, a friend's home, on vacation, at the beach, in the mountains, in the dessert.  Take it in like a unique flavor of a new meal.  Be sensitive and tune into the smell, taste, touch, sounds of your surroundings.  They are always opening us to more teachings, of awareness, of mindfulness, of when to be soft and when to be firm.  Don't be flaccid, limp, support a strong vessel.  Breathe, fill your lungs, open your eyes wide, lengthen your spine.  Try a little more openness.

Aho.

In Love and Harmony with the Universal Flow

Flowering seeds of Green
Commemorating our work well Done
With a burst to Reach out, Stretch,
Touch new Edges, Pierce the Veil of our cocoon,
Smile into the Dawn of the new day,
A new Existence, shedding layers
Crispy and withering in the breeze like
Thunder rolls out in waves
To Reveal an Emergent kaleidoscope of
Iridescent Fortitude.
Layers strewn like ceremonial ashes bless the birth of this
Divine Angel.
A Pony, a Stalk, a singularity
In the dharma Ocean.
Fragility exchanged for
Wavering Certainty~ certainty in the everchanging,
Everflowing cycle of germinating, sprouting, budding, Flowering and Death.
An evocative Composition of Courage and Grace,
Smiling Serenity with arms outstretched to Infinity
Past fear, in Love, welcoming the Divine Beauty
Written in an Ecstatic Dance.
And seeing eyes Eyes holding Each Other,
For a second and for lifetimes.
All Joy in Laughter and Love.

Being grounded in writing everyday has much improved my balance and calm in the midst of moving from a one bedroom house to a two bedroom house with a three year old.  It brings me time to not think about all that must be done, but rather dive into the deep and vast ocean of literature.  I find that I definitely identify with being a writer when writing brings me such a deep connection to what really matters in this life, and to me those things are love and joy and allowing life to unfold, in all its many and mystical robes. 

Sometimes crying is like a rush of spring melt and comes with force and life energy.
Sometimes it creates an opening, a portal for intuition, and expressive words to flow forth.  Sometimes it opens a window into the heart.
All this I found to be true, as I remembered my grandfather, suddenly, with such force and wept, and wrote and wept more, and explained to my son what I was feeling and what I missed.  And listened as he told me what he missed.

It was a moment of grace, of breathtaking emotion, of love.

It's not about the form.

More importantly is the mind, the spirit within the form.

If a woman is young a beautiful or old and decrepit, one should not judge based on her form.

If a baby can speak or a baby is speechless and needy, the same due respect for that being must persist.

Respect for all life, human and otherwise is a way to take care of our whole interconnected life network and as a result you take care of yourself.

When it is hard, difficult or uneasy to have respect for a being, examine and see why.

And still respect with your heart and mind.

When our thinking is clear and thoughts of judgement do not arise, we are awakened.

First begin by not speaking your judgements and soon you will not think them either.

This life is fleeting, do not waste this precious moment to scorn another in your mind.

Give thanks for all around you.  See the hope and the possibility in every moment.

Lean to the positive. And the positive will lean towards you.

Take courageous action.  When challenge and difficulty arises, see that this is the worlds way of having all kinds of energies, and rise above them with strength, bravery, all seeing that what you want and know lies ahead, above.  Reach that space of possibility.


Om Shanti Shanti Shanti.

It is imperative for spiritual realization to be positive, optimistic, to be hopeful and bright, no matter what the shortcomings of the moment or of your own emotions, or mind. 

Realizing that adversity will always arise when we fear it, we must stick to the gratitude in our day and look to where we have been blessed and give THANKS!

Look for the openings in the cracks of the cement, just like the little dandelion flower does during the spring and summer. 

With that ambition you will find the openings to let you follow your rightful path, to slice through the negativity and the surrounding and create a more conducive and synchronistic path.

best
angel rose