rise of the skiwalkerr

I am fucking pregnant!
Woo!
Well it has been a few months, and I have not been on here in over a year, but I decided writing an entry tonight was a good idea.

I'm about 14 weeks pregnant now, and I have a little under six months before the due date, June 21.

I am so happy to be carrying this little soul. I mean I know his soul isn't small but the body right now is. And growing it is! So much every day, it's incredible.

It feels very much like my body has been taken over. This little tiny thing has come in and took the captains chair. HIs needs are first and foremost and I must get used to it. Adapt. It's good practice being pregnant. Loving something that you haven't even met so much that you would do anything for him. And if that means eating bacon for breakfast and potatoes as much as possible and putting aside fresh veggies and most fruits, and just taking in all the salt and fat I want. It's all for you baby. You are getting the good packages of energy in the purest form. And I am the animal eating and growing to produce it for you. Building your body up sturdy and strong.

i"ve been home with Giona all day and yesterday and before that was Christmas so mostly that day too. Actually all week, we have sunk into our home space. It feels nice.

Unfortunately the circumstances demanded it. Giona had a fever and a day of vomiting and not holding down hardly anything, and today thankfully has been much better. Still weak and sore but gaining his strength.

I love him immensely. Being a mother breaks my heart with love so much. I wonder what my brain and body are doing when I feel it happening. It would be some beautiful pictures I'm sure.

The more I learn about how the brain and body control each other, and how the more we teach our body how to think, the more it goes into auto pilot and relives the past over and over. Unless we wake up to this fact and continue training the brain as well as the body to nourish and encourage growth, expansion and higher dimensions. It is all there stored in our bodies, stored in our cells. And every thought matters. Every thought determines what we repeat and what we do different. It's fascinating.

As well is enlightening to hear how the body has energy stores that can be sent to the brain to experience higher vibrations. I have always felt that my body had so much intelligence and that is what i think I feel, that we get energy and information from our bodies into the brain.

I'm also so happy to discover some new prenatal yoga videos and meditations. It is something I have been missing the past week, (well exercise in general, but especially yoga), and I have also been feeling like it is time to transition my normal exercise routine into some more informed for prenatal and birthing. My lower back and sacrum have felt loose and clicky, and my left hip has been super tight and creaky. My knees as well are super creaky. I think it might be due to less regular movement, with it being winter as well, and now with no Chiron monster.

Anyway, the yoga channel I found, I believe is called Kukoon Yoga, is taught in beuaitufl outdoor settings, really artistic and peaceful and the teacher is just so beautiful in how she both speaks and practices. She encourages a lot of awareness on the baby as well as giving permission for mothers to really let loose and feel into themselves and their needs.

This is something that is easy to overlook on days caring for a sick child, working, being indoors more than not, and just being in the daily life routine. My mind has become quite busy and chattery. It is nice to connect with a home practice where you can drop in and get healing right at home.

I want to fix up the upstairs bedroom nice and cozy like a little midwives office or birthing center./ office/ and yoga/meditation space.  I want to equip it with a whole home apothecary. I want to increase my supplies of home remedies. I need elderberry, to make some syrup, and tea. More ginger, more raspberry leaf. I need mint oil, and massage cream and oil. More jojoba oil. I want some good rubs for my growing belly and body. I need a new diffuser. And Charcoal bundles for all over the house!More lavender oil, because you can never have too much. Some rose oil would be nice.
Oh and lighting. This room needs better lighting. Somehting warm and ambient. I think we just need many more salt lamps around the house. Here downstairs and maybe even the basement.

Giona just did the biggest sigh.
Awwww. Like a good 5seconds. Just gave him a little water.

Well I feel I'm getting emotionally sturdier. The last month was extremely challenging for me, but I am so blessed to be supported by my jobs and bosses, my friends, by Giona, most of all, and by our family from afar. We have resources. And somehow just going to work and moving and doing what I need to do to show up with integrity gets me through tough days or weeks.

As much as I love working from home, it is also wintery and has been very cold, until recently, so it can feel a bit sedentary. But I wish to find a good flow, take more brisk walks and rides with Giona, and practice more movement at home and be nourished and replenished here instead of needing to find that replenishment outside of our home or selves. Taking baths, writing, connecting with Giona, making art- wha??, and centering.

It's funny how being in relationship for me always takes my attention out of the home. It is nice to find myself getting more nested and nestled in our home after a lot of transitions and even this month air bnbing this healing office studio where I now am sitting.

I think it's time for me to love up my home and give it the energy and love and attention it needs, along with myself, Giona, and the baby. The home is an extension of self-love.
I want to replant/resoil the house plants.