Being a writer.
The difference is the desire to write, not the requirement.

I realize I am a writer because it brings me joy.  It is not something I only do when I am required to do so for school or for any other administrative purpose. It is something that calls me, that I come to, for solace, for clarity, for inspiration, for connection, for conversation, for imagery, for possibility.

This is what makes me a writer.

I think the only thing that I am left to do now, is to not let it be a whimsical hobby for once in a blue moon.  But a practice, a training and conditioning to become better, to exercise my potential, to grow and evolve as a writer.  Writing as Mike Rose in Why School? says, is about taking risks.  And not just as he puts it the "daredevil", "look ma, no hands" kind of risks, but "diligent risks."  I find this important. If I am inspired to write about something that is personal, that is evocative, that is deeply touching some dark part of me, then that is a risk.  It is something that is not exactly comfortable or shallow in content, but something that I might grace the shadows and flaws that I have, that we all have as human beings.  I think being honest, and sincere, in our writing is in a way taking a risk.

 As a writer and as a potential future teacher, I think this skill would also be important when reflecting on what is working with a class, and what isn't.  Sometimes it falls on our own reflections to make necessary changes, modifications rather than following through with a master plan or course of action.

As much as I love self-assigned tasks, and following through to the end, I have come to realize that it is not always about the finished product, but sometimes it is about the process- of noticing and being honest when the direction is not for the best and knowing when it's time to change course.

So, I will continue to write, and I will continue to take risks.  Just like I did jumping into the river in France, and then writing about it.  Or like when I went whitewater rafting in Chile and wrote about that too.  The risk of the experience and the risk of putting words together in new and innovative ways.

Touchstone Writing Moments

1. My first memorable writing moment I have that I would call a touchstone moment was when I was in second or third grade.  I wrote a narrative story about a very traumatic family event that took place in the recent past at that time. It was about my dog, Muffin, who had escaped into a fenced in field that had wild elk.  The elk chased him, and finally he fell, and didn't get up for a while.  They pawed at him, and my siblings and I were sobbing and crying for my dad to go save him.  My dad was the superhero that jumped the fence, and actually risked his own safety to save our dog while we fed the elks apples and carrots from our grocery bags in the car.  I think this was one of the first longer narrative pieces I had written and I drew illustrations to go along with the story.  I have no recollection on how this was perceived by anyone else, but it didn't matter. I was happy to have recorded it, and gotten it out there. 
2. The second one I can remember is being in a spelling bee in third or fourth grade, and realizing that I was a really competitive speller!  I passed through student after student as we continued on in a musical chairs kind of fashion to each new contestant's desk around the classroom.  I don't generally think of myself as a highly competitive person, but I clearly remember the exhilaration and tenacity I felt in spelling and advancing and being better, and one of the top two or three who finished.  
3. I would say the next time I remember a clear writing touchstone was when I was in Allihies, Ireland as a sophomore in university studying abroad in Europe.  We were doing a one week trip in Ireland with a writer/poet.  We workshopped all week around poetry in the mystical small Irish coastal town of only 50 people.  We gathered each evening in the pub to enjoy the conviviality of the townspeople and our classmates.  There, I remember working a poem for the whole week.  At the end of the week we presented our work to each other.  I was really proud of my poem, it was evocative, passionate and hinting at romance.  I will never forget that poem or that trip.
4.  The next moment I remember is a year or so later, after I had taken a break from university and was traveling in Chile.  I wrote some travel emails to friends and family to share in my experiences on the road.  I remember writing from a cyber cafe in Santiago one sunny morning, and totally becoming engrossed in the narrative experience.  It was full of sensuous details, smells, sounds, colors and feelings of Chile.  I remember my good friend Erika replied to me and said that I was a fantastic writer and that I should consider being a travel writer. This was really poignant and touching to me and I will never forget it.
5.  About a year later, I was in an English class, after transplanting to a city college of Chicago.  I wrote a narrative about a time I was in central France a year or two before, where I had jumped into a river and was so scared and exhilarated all at the same time, and doing my best to catch my breath and not hyperventilate.  After handing in this piece, when the professor was handing our graded work back to the class, I didn't receive mine.  I hoped he hadn't lost it, but in fact he announced that he wanted to share one student's outstanding writing piece.  It was mine.  I was shocked and flattered.  I definitely remember feeling really good about myself and really encouraged about my ability to write. 

3 Blogs

One blog that I particularly enjoy reading when I remember to do so is Yes and Yes - Because Yes is more fun than No.  It's an inspiring, happy-go-lucky, and well-humored blog that focuses on the positive  with a sprinkling of spirituality and a good dose of style and wit, inspiring its readers to travel, be adventurous, have fun, be happy, laugh at yourself.  It's most likely aimed at optimists, the people who prefer the "glass is half full" outlook on life, and any traveller type who loves a good adventure, and frankly, women.  The blogger, Sarah von Bargen has recently added apps to be downloaded to your smart device such as "Yes! Daily", and the "Wanderlust Workbook."  Sarah infers that the reader needs a little inspiration to bring an extra smile to their day, a chance to peer into her life as she seemingly enjoys it in a light-hearted, slightly goofy, manner.  And maybe she is inferring that we all need to be reminded that we are human, similar and different in many wonderful ways, and to have fun getting to know new and different places and experiences.  I think she also attracts other writers, and bloggers, because she has groomed this art quite admirably.  I think she wants others to see her as cheerful, fashionable, funny, quirky, smart, and light-hearted.

Mackintosh Academy's Blog is useful to those interested in an education at this private Boulder school for their children, or perhaps for educators and parents interested in the advice articles it has to share on an array of topics that make up the whole child that their academy stands for: social-emotional, educational, familial, new discoveries, and workshops in the community.  I think they do a good job of speaking to their readers in a upbeat, current, modern and interesting tone.

photo courtesy of Mackintosh Academy Blog

The third blog that I like is The Mountain Rose Blog.  It attracts readers looking for inspiring recipes and remedies that can be made at home for health and wellness.  It speaks from a place of eco-consciousness, sustainability, while also using the blog to advertise its products.

I think all three blogs share in common the desire to convey knowledge, information, and awareness on certain subjects, in an advice-driven way.  All blogs seem to be wanting to help their audience feel more prepared in some way.

I infer as an education-driven blogger, that my readers are wanting the same kind of support as readers of the above mentioned blogs, advice, reliability, sprinklings of spirituality and humor.

I want to convey that information and knowledge is powerful but that is just the surface, below lies so much more, in the heart, in our characters, in our relationships.

 

Interesting how life sometimes deals you the cards that you need, not the ones that you want.

After a busy and rigorous journey to Mexico City and Southern Mexico, I enjoyed some much needed repose after my reunion with my son.  Little did I know that repose would be also a true test as to my dependency on action and busyness.  The winter days, cold and short, found me huddling inside most of the day with my son between cooking, baking, cleaning and lounging. The walls around me seemed limiting to my creativity and my need for stimulation.

We went out for some much needed movement, sledding!  White hills, well manicured from the hundreds of sledders over the past week, school winter break.  We got our furnaces turned on and up, and laughed over wipeouts and bumps providing some exciting air time.

Returning home, much to my dismay, two girlfriends opted to stay in for the night, and not keep me company as I had hoped.  Wishing for friendly dialogue and equal amounts of distraction from my own mental mayhem.

When in all reality, what my mind needed was pauses, spaces, chances to breathe, to feel the nervousness of the space, and breathe some more, not fall into the temptation to watch hours of blurring screens, but to allow a little mocha martini to remind my spirit that I had everything I needed to be enjoying my night of freedom, with my son.

We had made a pit stop at the library to return some holiday music, and brought home new music, DVDs, and books by the armful.  Listening to new youthful, energetic, freeing music set our dance party off on a good note.  We made some homemade drinks, hot cocoa and spiked hot cocoa for me, something I don't usually do on my own, but was so spirited by that I know why they call spirits spirits!

We broke out our old dance moves and birthed some new ones as well.
Remembering how much my son loves enjoying time with me when I am fully enjoying myself was so heartwarming, as we lit each other up.  Remembering how well we work together, how well we mesh and create and express when the time and the space to do so presents itself, or is noticeably present.
And how in the end, after our dance party, short Magic School Bus viewing and a light, healthy dinner, my son was off to bed with a trio of various books under his arm, happy to tuck in for the night.

Something so soothing and comforting about enjoying this down time, when down is the place where cultivation occurs.  Cultivating good memories, planting love at home, in the heart of our life.

Now, alone, I realize how much I benefit from this time alone, musing over new music, new  musical biographies which frequently are as inspiring as any spiritual texts I like to read.  Something so life-giving and radiant about music, art, expression.  Reminding me that I am an artist, in many forms, a hybrid fusion of my roots, my passions, my nature.

Since this lifetime hasn't yet afforded me with the talent to make music, I will appreciate and acknowledge that I have been gifted with the art of the written word and of the art of energy movement.  Of feeling into my experience, digesting and fermenting it, and allowing a sweet nectar to pour forth, relishing the honey of love of life.  Wanting to infuse more often and more overall my life with words, with expression, with my art.  Wanting to allow for more space, more time, and to be brave enough to weather the waves of nervousness and anxiety of apparent boredom and inactivity, which are the birthers of this art.

Winter is wonderful for this, taking in what has past, mulling over the year spent, the seasons of life-giving fruit and activity, just like the earth rests, and weathers the cold with hibernation, repose.  Only to rebirth bright buds and sprouts of spring.

What would life look like in a temperate climate where cold and frost and frozen earth didn't occur?  Where would my heart and mind be? I long to see what such a "winter" would feel like.  But something in me, feels like I might miss this down time.  Nature's urge to relax and be inside, slow down. Or perhaps my circadian rhythm would still allow me to relax even with sand and sun on my skin.  

After all, my biggest Resolve for this year is exactly that, to S L O W   D O W N.

Take in more and race around less.  Fit in less, breathe more, say No more, let life's moments be with me, rather than feeling like they are passing me by.

And in that time, birth more- creativity, sincere expression, unique flavor that is uniquely mine. Along with enjoying the moments of my son's youth. This year progressing from age 4 to 5, and me 34 to 35.

Recognizing that my longings have shifted, that home and family are really the center of my life.  That this is the garden I am growing and invested in. Sprinkled with Spirit fertilizer and the water of music and dance.

Blissful blessings in this cold-night, new-moon time.