Interesting how life sometimes deals you the cards that you need, not the ones that you want.

After a busy and rigorous journey to Mexico City and Southern Mexico, I enjoyed some much needed repose after my reunion with my son.  Little did I know that repose would be also a true test as to my dependency on action and busyness.  The winter days, cold and short, found me huddling inside most of the day with my son between cooking, baking, cleaning and lounging. The walls around me seemed limiting to my creativity and my need for stimulation.

We went out for some much needed movement, sledding!  White hills, well manicured from the hundreds of sledders over the past week, school winter break.  We got our furnaces turned on and up, and laughed over wipeouts and bumps providing some exciting air time.

Returning home, much to my dismay, two girlfriends opted to stay in for the night, and not keep me company as I had hoped.  Wishing for friendly dialogue and equal amounts of distraction from my own mental mayhem.

When in all reality, what my mind needed was pauses, spaces, chances to breathe, to feel the nervousness of the space, and breathe some more, not fall into the temptation to watch hours of blurring screens, but to allow a little mocha martini to remind my spirit that I had everything I needed to be enjoying my night of freedom, with my son.

We had made a pit stop at the library to return some holiday music, and brought home new music, DVDs, and books by the armful.  Listening to new youthful, energetic, freeing music set our dance party off on a good note.  We made some homemade drinks, hot cocoa and spiked hot cocoa for me, something I don't usually do on my own, but was so spirited by that I know why they call spirits spirits!

We broke out our old dance moves and birthed some new ones as well.
Remembering how much my son loves enjoying time with me when I am fully enjoying myself was so heartwarming, as we lit each other up.  Remembering how well we work together, how well we mesh and create and express when the time and the space to do so presents itself, or is noticeably present.
And how in the end, after our dance party, short Magic School Bus viewing and a light, healthy dinner, my son was off to bed with a trio of various books under his arm, happy to tuck in for the night.

Something so soothing and comforting about enjoying this down time, when down is the place where cultivation occurs.  Cultivating good memories, planting love at home, in the heart of our life.

Now, alone, I realize how much I benefit from this time alone, musing over new music, new  musical biographies which frequently are as inspiring as any spiritual texts I like to read.  Something so life-giving and radiant about music, art, expression.  Reminding me that I am an artist, in many forms, a hybrid fusion of my roots, my passions, my nature.

Since this lifetime hasn't yet afforded me with the talent to make music, I will appreciate and acknowledge that I have been gifted with the art of the written word and of the art of energy movement.  Of feeling into my experience, digesting and fermenting it, and allowing a sweet nectar to pour forth, relishing the honey of love of life.  Wanting to infuse more often and more overall my life with words, with expression, with my art.  Wanting to allow for more space, more time, and to be brave enough to weather the waves of nervousness and anxiety of apparent boredom and inactivity, which are the birthers of this art.

Winter is wonderful for this, taking in what has past, mulling over the year spent, the seasons of life-giving fruit and activity, just like the earth rests, and weathers the cold with hibernation, repose.  Only to rebirth bright buds and sprouts of spring.

What would life look like in a temperate climate where cold and frost and frozen earth didn't occur?  Where would my heart and mind be? I long to see what such a "winter" would feel like.  But something in me, feels like I might miss this down time.  Nature's urge to relax and be inside, slow down. Or perhaps my circadian rhythm would still allow me to relax even with sand and sun on my skin.  

After all, my biggest Resolve for this year is exactly that, to S L O W   D O W N.

Take in more and race around less.  Fit in less, breathe more, say No more, let life's moments be with me, rather than feeling like they are passing me by.

And in that time, birth more- creativity, sincere expression, unique flavor that is uniquely mine. Along with enjoying the moments of my son's youth. This year progressing from age 4 to 5, and me 34 to 35.

Recognizing that my longings have shifted, that home and family are really the center of my life.  That this is the garden I am growing and invested in. Sprinkled with Spirit fertilizer and the water of music and dance.

Blissful blessings in this cold-night, new-moon time.